Block 12.03.2018

Creative block. It is the worst. It snowed a few weeks ago causing myself and Matthew to be stuck in doors for four days! I found it such a great opportunity to produce some great work for my website, and even though after the second day cabin fever was beginning to set in…I persevered and really enjoyed the four days of just solid drawing. I had loads of ideas and when I put pen to paper all my ideas came to life. Maybe it was the fact that I couldn’t go anywhere, that there was no pressure to be anywhere, maybe it was this that helped the creative juices flow. I felt happy with just getting up every morning, going to my desk getting out my sketchbook, plugging in my music and starting to draw.

Struggling this week, maybe because its a Monday or maybe I have just lost my creative flow this week. I get moments like this. Moments of self doubt in myself and my artwork, moments where I panic and scream in my head, “WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!” I thought maybe writing about it would help. So here we are. Maybe its the lack of chocolate this month…

Writing about it is actually quite therapeutic. My thoughts here in black and white (I’ll realise I’m being a fool at the end of typing this). Maybe I am hoping to make sense of the goings on inside my head.

I know I shouldn’t but I sometimes find that I am comparing myself to others around me. Thinking, ‘oh my god, they are younger than me and they are already so much more successful than I am at this age…!’ I shouldn’t do it. But I cannot stop my brain sometimes. I have phases of worry; worries about who I am, if I am doing the right things and acting the right way…Does anyone else do that? Are we doing it because we are only human? I have to remind myself that every life is different and we don’t all face the same challenges and life experiences.

Is everyones idea of success different? I cannot for the life of me remember where I saw this quote (instagram somewhere I am sure…) but I found a random screenshot on my phone. It goes ‘At the end of life, what really matters is not what we have but who we are; not what we got but what we shared; not our competence but our character; and not our success, but our significance. Be kind, be loving and start with yourself ‘ whoever wrote this, you have hit the nail on the head basically. It is easy to get distracted by other sometimes ridiculous feelings, as long as we refocus back to what is really important. So that is what I am trying to do today. To focus back on what is important in the hope that this will regain my creative flow.

Creativity can be affected by my mood, I can’t just sit down at my desk and start drawing if I have had a bad day. I have to be in the right frame of mind and have an idea of what I want to produce. I have rare moments of opportunity to do my drawing – maybe thats part of my problem. Maybe I need to make more time for it. I get very caught up in everyday life, working and seeing the people I love. I forget to set aside time for myself sometimes. Time to do what I want to do. Its a vicious circle really and I get myself into it now and again. Like with everything, all the self doubt I feel at times, I am the only one who can change that mindset.

I want to make a living from my art but I have always been so unsure of how to do it. I have spent years trying to figure it out and still I am none the wiser. I want what I do to be taken seriously, to be appreciated and to be rich from it. Sorry that last part isn’t true! Haha, I mean it would be nice but just to carve out a career from my talent would be great. It is hard work, harder than I ever thought it would be. I look at other illustrators and think, ‘How did you do that?? How did you become so successful??’ I read about their journey to “success” and it always seems to be that they stumble onto the right path or they just got lucky and met the right people. I hear that a lot. I don’t know what the answer to all this is really. When I figure it out I am sure I will jot it down in another post. But you could be waiting a while. In the mean time if you have any bright ideas, let me know yeah?

This post has sort of been all over the place really. Sorry about that. Thanks for sticking with me if you still are…That was a little insight into the mind of Beth. I’m off now to make corned beef hash with Matthew.

Thanks for reading.

Wigmore out.

Posted in Lifestyle, New Year, Uncategorised
Tags: Feelings, Illustration, Illustrator, Life, Lifestyle, Thoughts